For the birds

Only I would have a nightmare about birdwatching. It all started because I was afraid to bring my five-year-old birdwatching with me for fear she would launch a tantrum and cause all of the birds to  migrate. Then, an angry hoard of bird watchers would chase me, binoculars flying. “Now look what you’ve done!” they’d squawk. None of that happened, of course, because my daughter refused to go with me. So I went by myself and did everything wrong – forgot my binoculars and walked, not stalked, through the trails. That’s what you’re supposed to do – stalk. I did spot a bald eagle though, so it was all worth it. With my eyesight, it could have been a seagull. Now I’m writing an article about it for Metro Parent Magazine while that Blondie song “Raptured” dinging in my head, except in my world it’s” “Raptors!”

Time Out…Because the holidays are asking for it

If you missed the last show, we’ve got news for you: We’re doing it again. But first, we trimmed the Thanksgiving right out of it. So this time, we’ll be taking aim at the holidays in general. Mark your calendar:

TIME OUT: “Holidays Gone Awry”
Dec. 17th
Brody Theater
16 NW Broadway
7 pm
Tickets on sale soon!

Convection this!

This IS the pie to end all pies

Every year, I try to grab hold of a recipe and wrestle it to the ground. Last year, it was Martha Stewart’s answer to the green bean casserole. WT version: Durkee fried onion rings in a pan. Martha version: pan-fried shallots, about five million chopped fresh spices and an all-day investment. This year, I picked a chocolate pumpkin pie out of my friends’ Mark and Paula’s official pie book. How hard could that be? I’ll just use the canned pumpkin stuff to save time. Then, I went down there to get schooled by the Master of Pie Creation, Mark.

Here’s the thing – you should always READ THE RECIPE first. I just read as we went. Four hours later, I’m still trying to finish out this pie, which I’ve grown to loathe. After about hour three, I found myself talking to it: “You’d better be good, you little smirky pie! You know, I might even get a spoon and eat you right now. Stop giving me that smug look with your crust all golden brown. You just WAIT until tomorrow. I am going to eat you so fast.”

Meanwhile, Mark and Paula are sashaying around their kitchen proudly displaying the FIVE other desserts they’ve created in the time it took me to do ONE pie. Oh, did I mention there are like five ways to bake a pie crust? Weights, long waits, per-bake, post-bake, fake-bake. How did I get myself into this? In two more hours, you’re MINE, you chocolate pumpkin Princess Pie. Let’s just see if you’re really all that. I’m bringing my Flip so I can record the look on my friends’ faces as they EAT YOU.

So I managed to pick the most high maintenance pie ever created. Now I know why clowns throw pies – out of complete frustration. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope you’re enjoying a pie you baked in less than four hours. I would have made a cheesecake, but I was thinking I could use that metal spring form thing as a girdle. Then, you could unsnap it after dinner and just pray it doesn’t zip across the room like a tire rim blown off an 18-wheeler.

Special thanks to Mark, Paula and Ellie for letting me camp out in their kitchen. They even bought dinner, that’s how long I was there. Next year, it’s Fred Meyer bakery, baby.

Just two of Mark and Paula's finished desserts laughing at me.

Good-bye, Airplay Cafe

One of the earliest TIME OUT shows at Airplay Cafe

If it wasn’t for the support of Airplay Cafe, the TIME OUT show might not exist. I took my kids in there one day and mentioned that I had been thinking about doing mom comedy material. Patti Jagger, the owner, was so supportive and energetic about the idea, I started trying out material at Airplay’s open mic night.

One night, a bunch of moms fell off their sofa laughing. That’s when we thought – why don’t we turn this into a show. Everything went so well, until the landslide otherwise known as The Economy, happened. Airplay had a gangbuster idea of showcasing and launching new, clean talent. They gave us a uber cool family-friendly place to hang out. So, farewell to a great thing that probably any other year, would have made it.

Thank you, Andy and Patti, for giving me and the show a chance. I think I can speak for all of the mom and dad performers that we wish you well in whatever you take on next.

Am I the person I loathe?

You could call it my new day job. I am now selling sponsorships, space and anything else for three big expos. So I’ve officially turned into one of Those People. Except I do not place a monitoring device at people’s dinner tables. When their butts hit the seat, I do not call. I call just as people take their first sip of coffee at their desk. But still! Some people have been very nice to me. The nicest call back I’ve received so far has been New Seasons. I love those people. Really! She called back and she was very gracious about the whole thing. Did I sell anything? Well, no. It’s weird, but I actually feel good about not selling to her. Tomorrow is a whole new day of interrupting people and getting rejected. I’ve been getting better at taking it well – I only cry for like 20 minutes now. No I don’t. I call the next person and hope they are as nice as the New Seasons lady. The first of the month is coming – wish me luck that somehow, I will find that person thinking, “I could really use a booth at a large, well-attended expo.”

“Rave” in The Oregonian today

Betsy Kauffman’s brilliant music director husband Jeffrey wants commission for being my unofficial “publicist.” He would have wanted my first-born, but he said he’s heard stories about him. Anyway, there’s a story in the “How We Live” section of the Oregonian today about the exquisite performances brewing at “Rave in the Nave,” a series of A-list talent performing at the Christ United Methodist Church. The TIME OUT comedians are included, but not until May 2010.

Tonight, don’t miss the mastermind behind “School House Rock” and other legendary songs. Why do I call it “legendary?” Because that’s how I learned grammar, for crying out loud. Teaching me anything is a monumental task.

Dave Frishberg
The dean of Portland’s jazz community, former pianist for the Tijuana Brass, and one of the most unique songwriters in the world
(“Peel Me a Grape”—Diana Krall, “Wheelers and Dealers”—Lani Hall), Dave Frishberg performs a solo cabaret set in a very rare Portland performance.

7:30 pm Saturday, Nov. 21, 2009
Individual tickets are $15. Kids are free.
Christ United Methodist Church
12755 NW Dogwood St Portland, OR 97229

More info: http://www.cumcpdx.org/

Read The Oregonian story: http://www.oregonlive.com/living/index.ssf/2009/11/church_hopes_joy_in_the_arts_w.html

Back in the saddle

So here’s a lesson: You really shouldn’t dump coffee in your computer. I didn’t mean to, but I knocked a jet of coffee across my desk right on the keyboard. (Yes, it was caffeinated, you smart-a’s.) So anyway, I’m back in Mac. It took me all night to just get caught up on email.

NOW, I can share with you all the amazing photos taken by Debby Dodd’s husband Deke with Wendy Bax’s camera at the “Guess Who’s Messing Up Dinner” show the other night at Curious Comedy Theater. Thank you, Deke and Wendy. The last show was probably our best one yet. If we can find another venue, we’ll spring another holiday show for you. And you should come too, because the moms were crazy funny:

Check out Wendy using her comedy for good, not evil. Good thing no one heckled her.

Nicole blew the doors off the place, and it was her first time on stage!

Betsy talked about where she came from (Wisconsin) and rocked the house.

Debby performed another brilliant piece she wrote.

Jillian gave all new meaning to the word "Tofurky"

Kristina doesn't think she's smokin hot in this picture. But we do.

Hostess with the mostess...memory loss.

Fantastic performances last night

Moms ROCK! The audience packed the house at Curious Comedy Theater for TIME OUT: “Guess Who’s Messing Up Dinner” Tales of Holidays Gone Awry last night. First-time performer Nicole McKinney blew the doors off. Seasoned mom performers rocked it out too: Wendy Bax, Jillian Starr (No, you weren’t too blue.), Kristina Martin, Debby Dodds and Betsy Kauffman. If your company needs holiday party entertainment, the holiday show is FOR SALE! Call Jacki Kane at 503-704-5737. We’re taking a hiatus in December, but will be back full-force in January. Check back here for the latest. If you came to the show last night, thank you for your support!

Holiday takedown, tonight!

That’s right. We’re attacking the holidays before they even get started. Come and get cozy (There’s a full bar this time, people!)

Curious Comedy Theater
5225 NE MLK (Vanport Square)
7 pm
Tickets $8 for five on www.curiouscomedy.org
$10 at the door

Featuring:
Wendy Bax
Kristina Martin
Debby Dodds
Betsy Kauffman
Jillian Starr

You wanna piece of meat?

Come n’ get it. Two TIME OUTs take down the holidays before they even get here. We’re gearing up for a show in Vancouver, then one Friday at Curious Comedy Theater. TIME OUT will take a break in December, then return in January. In the meantime, we’ll be available to perform at company Christmas parties. If you’re interested, email me at kane.jacki@gmail.com. In the meantime, here’s the 411 on the shows:

TIME OUT: “Guess Who’s Messing Up Dinner…Tales of Holidays Gone Awry”

Wednesday, November 11, 7-8:30 pm
Pop Culture
1929 Main. St.
Vancouver, WA 98660
Tickets $8 at www.brownpapertickets.com or $10 at the door.

Featuring:
Nikki Klock
Andy Kartchner
Kristina Martin
Wendy Bax

Friday, November 13, 7-8:30 pm
Curious Comedy Theatre, 5225 NE MLK in Portland

Featuring:
Debby Dodds
Nicole McKinney
Betsy Kauffman
Jillian Starr
Wendy Bax
Kristina Martin

Get blocks of five tickets for $8 each at www.curiouscomedy.org.
Tickets are $11 at www.curiouscomedy.org, $14 at the door.

The TIME OUT national partner organization is Mamapalooza (www.mamapalooza.com). Our media sponsors are Metro Parent magazine and Vancouver Family Magazine.